Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We're too hungover to prance.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
