Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i love accidental penises.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
