did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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