I'm eating all of the evidence.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
