if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
