I must be too annoying 4 u.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
