Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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