so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
