ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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