she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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