went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
