I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
