woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
