party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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