There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize