dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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