Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
