So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
