I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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