He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
