one two three fourrrrnication!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
