honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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