Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize