do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
