foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sext me about skeletons
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
