FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize