Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
