she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I have demons in me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
