I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
