You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
