I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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