We're like a lot better than the average bears
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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