Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
