She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
