True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
