I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
