I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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