So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
