I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize