oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
two words...techno handjob
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize