It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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