I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.