I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.