Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes