you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
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Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"