wanna go halves on a baby?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji