In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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