that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
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Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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