wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
