I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
