your thong is hanging out like whoa
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
