my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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