Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
