It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
