An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
