Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
