and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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