hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
