I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
