Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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