i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
