i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize